The weight of holiday

My December 25 had a few hiccups.  Conversation was good.  Tamales and queso were good.  Laughter was plentiful and good.  But there were some moments when temptation pulled me back.  Glimpses of past sin ran amok.  On the outside, I smiled, and I truly loved every minute I spent with my daughters.  On the inside, doubt began to brew.  Doubt as to whether I had a right to any ounce of goodness in this world.  Doubt as to whether joy and laughter with my kids should be mine to experience at all.  Thoughts flitted and swirled and sucked me into a hurricane of guilt.  Slowly I sank underneath the weight of divorce.  But right there, the Lord came to my rescue.  He led me to Psalm 103:12, which says, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”  And His voice rang like a trumpet loud and clear.  The air became clean and crisp, and I could breathe.  The Lord won.  My sin would not steal my joy.  And this year how wonderful was Christmas Day to know the Lord’s love.

Cheated by a wife

“Ever since my wife cheated on me . . .”  That’s what this guy said yesterday as he entered the bus.  The guy stepped inside, paid his fare, and finished telling his buddy the story.  He made no attempt to gloss over the fact that life holds pain.  And hearing him talk made me think.  What do we do with our pain?  Even children on a playground don’t like to be cheated.  Somebody overstays their turn on the monkey bars, and the kids in line race off for a teacher to plead their case.  It’s like playing Monopoly and realizing the banker isn’t honest.  We scream, stomp, throw, and pitch fits, but in the end, where are we?  Psalm 68:19 says, “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.”  God actually invites us to lay our burdens upon Him.  Hand our pain to Him, and let Him carry the weight.  Even if my eyes shed buckets of tears in the process, I want to ask Him to cleanse me.  In fact, crying does wonders to soothe tension.  And if a hangnail can nag me into being mad at the cat and grouchy at my husband, then I can afford no room to harbor big pain, small pain, or anything.  Please know, dear reader, how I prayed for you today to find refreshment in knowing Jesus Christ in a new way.  May this Christmas be wonderful because we experience His power to heal.

Traversing the ice

This past Saturday, I closed my eyes as we drove into Winter Storm Dion.  At 20 mph, maybe 30, the quiet helped my husband to drive, and I hoped to shut out anything that would make me gasp.  We checked weather reports via radio and TV and online, though it was worse than we foresaw.  Traveling 35W to Fort Worth, we met bridges untreated with sand or salt, and the first time the car slid, we knew we were in for an anxious ride.  My desperation led to prayer, as all we could see was a white horizon strewn with stranded vehicles.  Will there be less ice on the next bridge?  Should we exit the highway, but what if the access road is worse?  I asked the Lord to take hold of our steering wheel and guide all the miles ahead.  Just when Hemphill Street looked promising, we found thicker ice downtown and wondered if we’d ever escape colliding with all the parked cars and pedestrians.  For hours and hours afterward, I still felt rattled.  All I knew was to call upon the Lord.  All my moments feeling out of control were accurately just that.  Life became simpler, less complicated, and God was my sole intent.  It’s one way I’ve seen Him bring good out of bad.  Never knew how happy I’d be when the sun shone on Sunday.

Linked to curriculum

What task do you dread?  For me, it's often paperwork.  The job application.  The philosophy statement.  With music, it’s the charting of songs.  I can be glad to organize something, but the sight of too much paperwork leaves me exhausted before I ever begin.  Recently a friend asked me about writing curriculum.  Curriculum implies teaching, and teaching is fun.  But curriculum also means paperwork, and suddenly my celebratory balloon loses its air.  Would I have to sort through all the rigmarole of education guidelines?  The answer was no.  But still writing can be laborious, and I wanted to ask the Lord.  Weeks passed, and doubt crept in, haunting me with my inexperience and heaviness of task.  Yet with prayer, I found myself eager to write.  I dived in deep.  I determined to submit Lesson 1 to my friend and let her judge whether good or bad, but I wasn’t on the fence anymore.  Tuesday came, and my friend asked, “Did you get my text last night?”  I answered, “No.  I don’t have text.  But I brought you something.”  She queried, “What is it?  My text last night was to ask you if you had a chance to write the first lesson.  I have a girl coming in today, and we might give your lesson a trial run.”  And on that note, my heart leaped.  I took a deep breath and handed her my paper.  “I felt compelled to write this.  We didn't talk details, and there’s lots of room for change.  It's simply a rough draft.”  My friend read through the lesson and exclaimed, “This is exactly it!  You even put the Bible verse in it!”  I smiled to think of how the Lord matched our thought processes without the text ever delivering.  And that was only the first link in a chain of blessings that afternoon.  The Lord gave opportunity to pray amongst a new group of friends.  He gave me opportunity to speak Spanish and comfort someone.  Later He even answered my plea for a birthday gift idea.  The entire day was so sweet, having seen Him convert dread all the way into tears of joy and more.  And to remember blesses my soul still now.