Singing from the depths

Something new happened when our jail choir rehearsed one particular weekend.  The voices resonated so fully that my feet tingled.  I had to curl my toes to make sure the nerves in my feet were still working.  The lyrics of “I Will Rise” suggested such love and yearning for the Lord that the moment left me almost numb.  And I love to relive this wonderful experience that happened in a jail--a place that some say encompasses the darkest darkness.  So how is it that God brings good from bad?  Why are thousands of inspiring songs rooted in misery and heartache?  What about the spirituals sung in the midst of slavery?  Do people sing to help pass the time?  Or is it because singing can replace anxiety?  Ultimately, God loves to rescue us.  At our lowest low may be the time we’re willing to look up to Him.  The rest of the time we tend to frolic through life on our own terms.  Last summer, my husband and I found ourselves in a huge legal mess that we didn’t understand, yet because of this mess, we sought the Lord fervently.  We wouldn’t have chosen the circumstances for ourselves, but the result of holding close to the Lord was a blessing all the same.  It’s from that low point, at that time when life looks desperately bleak, that our view becomes more simplistic.  Movies and electronic gadgets don’t satisfy anymore.  Our perspective has trimmed down to life, death, bread, and water.  We’re forced to ponder and pray and wait on the Lord.  Our lowest lows are not altogether bad.

The office

I met a man who worked in an office.  Nothing unusual, except for the fact that he worked in the office even on a day he designated for vacation.  He said he had nothing better to do. …  So I stopped to think.  How sad was his comment.  But is that me?  Am I ever uncomfortable with empty time?  Am I restless when things are unstructured?  How do I handle new circumstances?  Usually I can think of an endless list of fun things to do, yet I lack the time to do them all.  Honestly I love the ordinary day, and I generally view life as vibrant and exciting, especially when God throws me a creative curve I didn’t expect.  But I can recall days when I’ve opted for the road of familiarity.  One summer day, I didn’t want to exert the mental energy to learn some new guitar chords, so I played a familiar tune on the piano instead.  And I probably played it numerous times, hoping the guitar-playing idea that nagged my brain would leave by the time I finished at the piano.  On a different occasion, I remember debating whether to go talk to my new neighbor, erroneously entertaining the thought that if I went to talk once, I wouldn’t have the time and energy to check on her regularly, so why bother in the beginning.  And sometimes I’ve felt exhausted at the mere mention of planning a vacation, so consequently I’ve abandoned the whole notion and opted for staying at home.  So, yes, I am somewhat like my friend on the bus who spent his vacation working at his office.  Yet I know deep down that the Lord has given me wonderfully exciting experiences that came from stepping outside the norm and following through with what can feel humanly risky.  Christianity is not a life of laziness and selfish ways.  But if we find ourselves in those modes, God will forgive upon our asking.  And He will supply our courage to restart and bless us for having sought Him.

One day becomes one month

A particular phone call last week delivered a huge blessing.  I’d been praying for the friend who called me, as we had watched her outpatient surgery transform into a month-long hospital stay.  Complications of infection and excruciating pain were at the forefront.  How was all this happening?  Yet we continued to pray.  Then came her phone call.  At a moment when I sat on the couch and had no idea the voice on the phone would be hers, I was amazed.  Not surprised, but amazed to see how the Lord had been working all along.  My friend’s voice now had energy, and I could hear her sense of humor.  Through her days of heavy sedation and subsequent surgeries, the Lord had sustained my friend, and this was a remarkable milestone. …  I love surprises.  Better than that, I love to be amazed at the Lord.  If the idea of prayer is new for you, Matthew 6 offers some insight.  May the Lord give you an immense excitement for prayer.   May He bless you to witness Him at work. 

A prayer for protection

The seating arrangement became eerie.  I felt a hand squeeze my upper arm, and I turned toward the man on my right.  With his head tilted completely sideways and his chest leaning forward, his neck was twisted tightly to glare up at me.  His ogling eyes zoomed further in my direction, and I was soon uncomfortable.  His mouth was moving, and I assumed he wanted to say something, though I could hear only a scratchy sound.  Some kind of a high pitch filtered softly through his voice.  Looking at him, I shook my head to indicate I did not understand.  Then I returned my gaze to the front of the bus.  Yet the murmur of his voice continued, and I felt another nudge of his leg.  I had tried to ignore the first nudge, in hope that it was unintentional.   Now I looked at the man again, and the whole aura was becoming even more disconcerting.  His almost ethereal whisper pressed louder as he said, “Come on! You got to have 50 cents!”  I motioned with my hand and verbally emphasized “No” and likewise shook my head.  And silently I asked the Lord to protect me.  My eyes quickly scanned the bus for options.  Hardly a seat was vacant for moving away from the man, as we’d hosted an active turnstile of passengers.  The man's increasingly invasive ways seemed unending.  Finally, I walked up to ask the driver if my stop would be announced.  I didn’t want to make a mistake my first time on this route.  Turns out the driver was quite the conversationalist, lending me to stand near him till reaching my stop.  I figured God used the driver to deliver me.  …  Overall, my distinct impression was that Satan was messing with me.  For 4 years, God has used our city buses to connect me with people for His wonderful purposes.  What God uses for good, Satan can attempt to use for bad.  Here now I did not want the bad to dissuade me from fulfilling my call.  Subsequent to this particularly unfun incident, a different bus trip led me to the immense pleasure of telling someone about Jesus.  I do realize there may be a day when my bus trips cease.  But not this week.

Movies & comments

Just watched Julie & Julia.  Pretty cute.  A friend told me it was about blogging.  And a line in the movie did set something straight for me.  At times, I’ve pondered what I might change in this blog.  Do I need to personalize it somehow?  I’ve wondered if you as a reader are connecting with the stories.  Is the way I’m writing too distant?  Then in the movie I hear Julie say, “What do you think a blog is?  It’s me, me, me day after day.”  Well, that is one thing I don’t want.  I don’t want a blog all about me.  And so I go back to the idea of personalizing.  Readers, please know I started this whole thing because I sensed the Lord prompting.  And He could certainly include you in the development process.  If there’s something you would find helpful in this blog, please send me a comment or an email.  I have prayed for you, though we haven't met.  I would consider it a blessing and entirely fun to hear from you.